Putting Myself First

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Saying goodbye to honor me,

Starting fresh

Stepping into my Truth with power and softness.

Silently at first I walk,

my head held high

confident.

My wings outstretched and glistening

rediscovering their freedom.

A sensation stirs in my womb

aching to dance.

Re-birthed with compassion

and alive through passion

A ferocious gentleness emerges.

In this silky radiance love bursts forth

I begin to open again and prepare to celebrate my victory,

recognizing my worth,

empowering myself….

AND THEN…

A stabbing pain plunges through my heart

The victim sulking inside rises up with brute force

screaming relentlessly in sorrow

Why did you do this to us?

Why did you take away our happiness?

I rocked the boat and the anchor of grief tied to my heart,

began to sink me  into the depths of a dark sea of victim mentality.

Poor me, all alone

blaming this and that,

everyone and everything else,

Taking no responsibility

I CAN’T DO THIS AGAIN.

This power sucking, energy draining, narrow perception.

The voices continue to scream in breath crushing sobs

What is wrong with me?

Rejected again – not good enough – want to die – no reason for my existence.

A tug of war between my truth,

and this ego driven worthless attitude.

I recognize this pattern, I STOP.

Reasoning with this part of me and arguing with her does not work.

I  did NOT want to admit that she still existed with all the healing I have done,

and yet here she was.

A little girl standing before me

questioning why it took so long for me to recognize that she mattered?

I softened,

feeling more space open around me

listening without judgement,

I witnessed her,

I gathered all our pain and allowed it to wash through me.

Then rooted in my strength

with compassion,

I open again into loving myself unconditionally

Celebrating the victory I have come to embody

My existence matters,

I MATTER!

~Lynndel~

 

 

 

 

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